We are back for the sixth annual scientific breakdown of every single college football coach if we treated them as recruits. The premise is a simple one; I give them stars: 0-5. Those stars are based on their performance and accomplishments. Real, tangible accomplishments.
The formula is a deep, thorough analysis of what accomplishments mean the most and through significant introspection, meditation and an extreme lack of consultation with anyone else, I have landed on the following as the key coaching milestone criteria:
+ Bowl Game Appearance
+ Bowl Win
+ 10-Win Season
+ Conference Championship
+ National Championship
Each coach received a "star" for each criteria they have met in their career. If a coach has met a certain set of criteria multiple times, he only receives a "star" for one accomplished task. So if a coach has won three bowl games, for example, he still only gets one star for being a bowl-winning coach. The number of times he notched that criteria becomes applicable in the ranking of his stature amongst the coaches who have also met the same number of criteria stated above.
For transparency, I have attached the hardcore data for you. Folks, I wish I could argue with you on these, but it's sweet, sweet science and as we have learned: no one can argue with science. Movement from year-to-year happens for a lot of reasons including accomplishing STAR-WORTHY tasks, coaches retiring or getting fired, etc.
The 5-Stars:
1. Nick Saban, Alabama
2. Dabo Swinney, Clemson
3. Mack Brown, North Carolina
4. Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M
5. Kirby Smart, Georgia
6. Scott Frost, Nebraska
The 4-Stars:
7. Brian Kelly, LSU
8. Kyle Whittingham, Utah
9. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State
10. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa
11. Ryan Day, Ohio State
12. Lincoln Riley, USC
13. Bryan Harsin, Auburn
14. Gus Malzahn, UCF
15. Chip Kelly, UCLA
16. James Franklin, Penn State
17. David Shaw, Stanford
18. Scott Satterfield, Louisville
19. Butch Jones, Arkansas State
20. Billy Napier, Florida
21. Jim Harbaugh, Michigan
22. Jeff Tedford, Fresno State
23. Dave Doeren, North Carolina State
24. Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss
25. Luke Fickell, Cincinnati
26. Jeff Brohm, Purdue
27. Josh Heupel, Tennessee
28. Bret Bielema, Illinois
29. Mario Cristobal, Miami (FL)
30. Dave Aranda, Baylor
31. Neal Brown, West Virginia
32. P.J. Fleck, Minnesota
33. Dana Holgorsen, Houston
34. Clay Helton, Georgia Southern
35. Pat Narduzzi, Pittsburgh
36. Jason Candle, Toledo
37. Jamey Chadwell, Coastal Carolina
38. Terry Bowden, Louisiana-Monroe
39. Dave Clawson, Wake Forest
40. Rick Stockstill, Middle Tennessee State
41. Hugh Freeze, Liberty
42. Sonny Dykes, TCU
43. Blake Anderson, Utah State
44. Dino Babers, Syracuse
The 3-Stars:
45. Paul Chryst, Wisconsin
46. Mike Leach, Mississippi State
47. Ken Niumatalolo, Navy
48. Troy Calhoun, Air Force
49. Kalani Sitake, BYU
50. Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern
51. Jim McElwain, Central Michigan
52. Brady Hoke, San Diego State
53. Mike Norvell, Florida State
54. Mark Stoops, Kentucky
55. Jeff Monken, Army
56. Greg Schiano, Rutgers
57. Karl Dorrell, Colorado
58. Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri
59. Jeff Traylor, UTSA
60. Shawn Clark, Appalachian State
61. Jim Mora, UConn
62. Mel Tucker, Michigan State
63. Lance Leipold, Kansas
64. Chuck Martin, Miami (OH)
65. Willie Fritz, Tulane
66. Philip Montgomery, Tulsa
67. Mike Neu, Ball State
The 2-Stars:
68. Matt Campbell, Iowa State
69. Tyson Helton, Western Kentucky
70. Steve Sarkisian, Texas
71. Jerry Kill, New Mexico State 72. Jay Norvell, Colorado State
73. Tim Lester, Western Michigan
74. Thomas Hammock, Northern Illinois
75. Craig Bohl, Wyoming
76. Herm Edwards, Arizona State
77. Chris Klieman, Kansas State
78. Willie Taggert, Florida Atlantic
79. Mike MacIntyre, FIU
80. Justin Wilcox, California
81. Shawn Elliott, Georgia State
82. Sean Lewis, Kent State
83. Geoff Collins, Georgia Tech
84. Ryan Silverfield, Memphis
85. Sam Pittman, Arkansas
86. Shane Beamer, South Carolina
87. Brent Brennan, San Jose State
88. Mike Locksley, Maryland
89. Sonny Cumbie, Louisiana Tech
The 1-Stars:
90. Seth Littrell, North Texas
91. Kalen DeBoer, Washingtom
92. Joe Moorhead, Akron
93. Andy Avalos, Boise State
94. Charles Huff, Marshall
95. Ricky Rahne, Old Dominion
96. Jake Dickert, Washington State
97. Jeff Hafley, Boston College
98. Tom Allen, Indiana
99. Will Healy, Charlotte
100. Chris Creighton, Eastern Michigan
101. Mike Houston, East Carolina
102. Jonathan Smith, Oregon State
103. Dana Dimel, UTEP
104. Jedd Fisch, Arizona
The 0-Stars:
105. Jake Spavital, Texas State
106. Mike Bloomgren, Rice
107. Danny Gonzales, New Mexico
108. Scott Loeffler, Bowling Green
109. Marcus Arroyo, UNLV
110. Jeff Scott, South Florida
111. Mel Tucker, Michigan State
112. Kane Wommack, South Alabama
113. Will Hall, Southern Miss
114. Clark Lea, Vanderbilt
115. Maurice Linguist, Buffalo
116. Marcus Freeman, Notre Dame
117. Brent Venables, Oklahoma
118. Tony Elliott, Virginia
119. Timmy Chang, Hawaii
120. Dan Lanning, Oregon
121. Don Brown, UMass
122. Curt Cignetti, James Madison
123. Brent Pry, Virginia Tech
124. Rhett Lashlee, SMU
125. Mike Elko, Duke
126. Joey McGuire, Texas Tech
127. Jon Sumrall, Troy
128. Stan Drayton, Temple
129. Ken Wilson, Nevada
130. Maurice Linguist, Buffalo
131.Bryant Vincent, UAB
If you were keeping track, in the FBS ranks this season we will have 131 coaches on the sideline. Their prowess coming into 2022:
5-Stars: 6 (last year: 6)
4-Stars: 38 (last year: 38)
3-Stars: 23 (last year: 30)
2-Stars: 22 (last year: 19)
1-Star: 15 (last year: 10)
0-Stars: 27 (last year: 27)